culture

Hello! How you doing? Ming and I found a stash of physical materials from back when the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective met in person.

sketchbook
markers
emotional first aid kit
books
zines
swag stickers
papers

There was a paper that lists some guidelines to Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective culture.

I like this list because it spells out values we mostly all had in common, but it’s good to be clear. Also it’s smart to specify how the stickers and zines are for donation, but it’s ok to just take them, if you don’t have a dollar or two.

Confidentiality is always good to mention, as people like to talk, and after a while we’re mostly friends. It’s good to differentiate meeting from regular life– stuff we hear in meeting should stay in meeting. It’s an extra vulnerable place.

It’s funny to see “kindness rules” and other phrases and vibes carried over from old, formative radical mental health meetings. Some are from Icarus days of yore.

Will we ever meet in person again? We’re spread all over the globe now, and zoom is ok for most of us. So Ming and I disperse the materials. If and when we meet in person again, new materials will be gathered.

guidelines to culture

thank you for being here.

sharing is always optional. you can say “pass.”
kindness rules. we’re here to build community and make a culture of care. please treat one another with love.
please use I-messages, speak from your own experiences, and consider whether another person wants feedback on their share. when in doubt, ask.
confidentiality–please keep shared info here. take the lesson with you to share, but don’t share names or personal details. thank you.
zines and stickers are available by donation. if you don’t have one or two dollars, you can just take one. they’re a resource to use and share.
please refrain from harshly judging anyone during the meeting. we’re pro-choice about meds and all of psychiatry. people need different things at different times. (you can judge harshly before and after the meeting.)
step up, step back:

talkative people, please give conversational space to quiet people. quiet people, please feel free to speak up. we want to hear you.

please see Safer Spaces policy for detail on dos and don’ts of behavior.

our events are free. thanks again for being here. hope to see you next time!

open source

Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective materials are open source. So please feel free to use these guidelines “as is” or adapt for your own projects.

peace, Laura-Marie

I like the idea of doing what we can do–no more or less. I think of it as radical care. It can be very appealing, to want to do ton, or try to save people. But that often leads to burn out, and it’s impossible to save people anyway.

Then on the other hand, it can also be easy to get overwhelmed and do nothing. When I’m overwhelmed, I sometimes want to run away or give up. Perfectionism can do that to me too–if I can’t do it just right, I’m not doing it at all.

So it feels special, to do something–to find a middle spot where the work is pleasurable and stick with it, for a while. I’m happy the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective has been going for more than four years, doing what we can do. Yeah!

how to respond

When someone in our everyday lives or at a meeting expresses huge feelings, big life problems, self-destructiveness, or other intense issues, how do we respond?

An important part of radical mental health for me is to react honestly, caringly, and not with standard wellness cliches. I want to listen, meet someone where they are, validate, ask how I can help, and give them space if they want it. The person I’m talking with is someone I deeply respect. People are allowed to make the choices about their life.

Certainly I don’t want to rush in and try to fix things. Nor do I want to say, “This is no big deal. This doesn’t matter to me.” I want to find a sweet spot that’s sustainable and makes sense for all involved.

I need to be kind to myself also. How to help others in a way that’s not at my expense is a lifelong lesson.

regret

I’ve had friends and relatives who committed suicide, and that’s intense grief. I’ve gone through regret, did I do enough, should I have done this or that differently.

The way I treat people is really important to me, including how I care, who I choose to make time for and prioritize. When I was young, I had very few friends. As the years pass, I have more friends than I know what to do with. How I decide who to pay attention to and give energy to is a huge thing to learn.

But I know that I can’t save anyone, a person’s life is theirs to take, and I’m responsible in the sense that I loved them and was part of their life. But I’m not responsible in the sense that I did my best, and their life was full of many factors other than me.

cause

I often think of proximal cause and distal cause. For example, you could say a landscaper got skin cancer because they didn’t use sunscreen or a hat often enough. Or you can say it’s because the chemicals they work with made too many free radicals, capitalism required they work way too many hours, or sunscreen prices are unregulated and they couldn’t afford it.

Likewise, when someone commits suicide, you can say it’s because of the bad news they got the day before, or too easy of access to harm-methods. Or you could say our culture is dysfunctional, they were isolated by fear, or they had very few tools in their toolbox.

You could stop someone from jumping off a bridge, which is dramatic, but they might just do something else the next day. I’d rather help create long term well-being by meaningfully being there for someone for many years, than step in at a magical moment for a dramatic save.

I like to work on big systemic issues as well as the small ones. I want to love my friends and family how they want to be loved, but I also want to change the world.

The work of love has to do with one on one, being there for people, listening, giving, hugging, reaching out, being real, and being vulnerable to an individual.

But the work of love also has to do with being real and vulnerable with the whole world. I want to connect with individuals and be a good friend, but I also want to do what I can to transform culture.

Adjusting myself to the world is a smart thing to do, when I need to for survival and happiness. But part of being radical is wanting to change the world. Racism, misogyny, domestic violence, war, exploitation, hate against queers, harm to mother earth, and many other problems are Not Okay. I can’t just look the other way, or adjust myself to the destruction.

balance

It’s a lot to balance–my well-being, how to interact with the people I know, how to change culture to be more just and work better for all of us, not just a rich few.

I’m happy to do what I can, treat people with respect, be who I really am, and do radical mental health as long as that makes sense for me. Thank you for what you do also.

Radical care is a beautiful calling. Thank you for everyone who answers the phone. —Laura-Marie